If I Say Yes (Say Something #1) Read online

  “Just alright?” I eye him, waiting for whatever might come out of his mouth next. I stare at his full lips, remembering how soft and delicate they are against mine and the way he tasted when his tongue danced with mine. Reid is smiling, like he is reading my mind again, and I quickly fix my attention on a tree straight ahead.

  “I’ve read better, to be honest.”

  For some reason, this ignites a flicker of anger in me. It seems like he is mocking my favorite book. I wouldn’t put it past him. He is known to mock me about other personal things. I push up out of the chair; the force I use causes it to rock on its hind legs before settling back in place. I storm across the deck and slam one of the double doors behind me.

  “If he wants to make fun of me, I can be a bitch right back to him,” I mutter under my breath and make my way up the stairs.

  I’m being childish, I know, but I can’t help it. Reid knocks on the bedroom door several times throughout the day before he finally gives up. I just want to be left alone. The reality of everything that has been happening has finally caught up with me, and surprisingly, I don’t find myself crying. I am pissed. Everything I have worked so hard for is falling apart, being pulled away from me, just like everything else has.

  I can’t even go home right now.

  I try to call Eli a couple of times on a landline I find in the bedroom, but he never answers. I call his mom, and she said that he stepped out for the day. Code for he is standing next to her, but he doesn’t want to talk to me. Trust me, I know. He’s done this to girls his entire life when they wouldn’t leave him alone. Now I am one of those girls. I lie face down, my face buried in the pillow, and scream, letting out all my frustration on the pillow.

  Earlier today, I opened the blackout curtains, hoping that maybe the sun would pull me out of this funk. Now, as the sun is setting — the most gorgeous sunset I have ever laid eyes on — I decide enough is enough. I’m not going to sulk in the room all day because some dick didn’t like my favorite book as well as I did. To each their own, right?

  I barely make it downstairs before Reid’s lips crash against mine. A startled cry escapes from my mouth before I silence myself and find that I am kissing him back. Once again. He pushes my back against the railing of the stairs, his body forming against mine. His leg presses between mine, and I can feel his growing erection as his tongue sweeps across my lips. He tastes just as good as I remember. I run my hands through his hair, his hands clasp around my waist, and I wrap my legs around him as he lifts me up in the air. Reid breaks the kiss first, but his lips never leave. He kisses the corner of my mouth, then my chin, and a trail down the side of my neck.

  I arch my back and moan with pleasure. Grabbing a fistful of his hair, I yank on his head, which sends him into a fury. Our lips meet again. He bites my lower lip gently, tugging on it, and I moan for him. He carries me toward the couch, gently easing me down, and lies on top of me. I run my hands over his back, digging my fingers into his skin and tracing his muscles. Reid’s hand starts to travel underneath my shirt and begins making his way to the one place I don’t want him to touch— my scar.

  “Wait,” I say breathlessly, “I can’t do this.”

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  I SHOVE REID OFF of me as quickly as I can and jump off the couch. I walk over to the fireplace, wrap my arms around myself, and stare into the glowing flames. That was too close, way too close. I seriously cannot kiss him again. Every time I do, I lose all inhibitions. Reid almost discovered my ugly truth, the mutilated scar on my stomach. He can’t ever find out. If he does, that will only lead to questions I can’t answer. That I will not answer.

  This is a mistake. I should have never come here. Why couldn’t I just go with Eli? Being alone and out here with Reid, in the middle of nowhere, is not good for my raging hormones. I need to get a hold of Eli as soon as I can. I don’t know how much longer I can stay here without giving in to my desires, something I am not ready to do. Plus, what if Reid is completely disgusted by the scar once he discovers it? That is another thing I cannot face. I’m already disgusted by it, and I can’t bear it if a man is too.

  “I’m sorry,” Reid whispers. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

  I touch my lips with my hand, still swollen and moist from kissing him. I enjoy kissing him. I more than enjoy it— I love it. For a brief moment, I regret pushing him off of me. I turn back around and face him. “Don’t be sorry… I kissed you back.” And I’d do it again and again. “It’s just… I can’t. I can’t.” Tears pool in my eyes, and I sigh.

  Reid closes the distance between us and pulls me into his arms. “Who broke your heart so badly that you are scared to let anyone else in?”

  I release a deep breath before I allow myself to wrap my arms around him. I know I said no men, but I can’t deny that I want Reid. In every way possible, including naked in bed. I barely know the man, but I know enough that, while he may piss me off most of the time, he also ignites a fire in me that I have never felt before, not even with Jacob.

  Jacob… his name alone reminds me why I cannot allow myself to indulge in Reid.

  “I can’t tell you, Reid. Really, I can’t.” I feel Reid tense under my arms right before he pushes me away like I’m some disease ridden fleabag.

  “This is bullshit, Liza. What more do I have to prove to you?”

  “Like I’ve said, you haven’t done much to prove otherwise.” I know this is a lie and that it will hurt Reid, but I don’t have any other choice. His eyes darken, and I know I’m pushing him away just like I want. “In fact, you were an ass earlier today.” Not really the truth, but I’ll make him think that’s how he was.

  “I said I was sorry.” Reid glares at me.

  “Oh really, when was that? Before you started to kiss me? Before you bombarded me at the bottom of the stairs as if I was yours for the taking?” In all honesty, if that is how he apologizes, I could live with that the rest of my life. “Maybe coming here was a mistake. Maybe I should leave.” I brush past him with the intention to go upstairs to pack and call a cab.

  “No, don’t…” he calls after me. I stop and look back at him. “You’re right when you say I haven’t been the nicest guy around, but you really haven’t given me the chance to show you who I really am.”

  “Reid—”

  He cuts me off, “No, Liza. Let me finish. I don’t know who it was that broke your heart, and quite frankly, I don’t really care. What I do care about is that you have something about you that draws me to you. I can’t help but to want to kiss you and make love to you.” My heart stops when he refers to sleeping with me as making love. “I know I have this sort of bad boy reputation that I can’t settle down and I go through women like candy. I haven’t done much to prove otherwise, as you can see on the Internet. But that’s not really who I am.”

  I take a step towards Reid and reach out to take his hand. “Reid—“

  “All I am asking for is a chance,” he cuts me off again. “A chance to prove to you that I am nothing like the guy who broke your heart. I want a chance to show you that it’s okay to fall in love again and trust again. I want to be that guy who shows you how to love again.”

  His admission takes me by surprise and leaves me speechless. I wrap my hands around the back of his head and pull his lips to mine. No sexual intent is fueling the kiss, no exploring hands or lips, just two people undeniably attracted to one another kissing. And what a kiss it is.

  “Don’t make me regret this,” I say softly against his lips.

  “I won’t.”

  I hear the truth in his voice. To hell with all my rules. In just the short time we have spent together, despite our bickering and my fighting against the building attraction, I have fallen for him. I dove in head first with no end in sight, and nothing I could have done would have prevented this from happening.

  We finally manage to stop kissing, but we don’t stop touching one another. We sit down on the couch. I curl up against Reid, and we stare into the f
ire, saying nothing at all. For the first time in a long time, I am perfectly content. Almost. I can’t ignore the nagging thought in the back of my mind that I need to tell Reid the truth. I need to tell him everything. I need to be honest. Better that I do it now, get it out in the open, so he can see the kind of monster I am. And the kind of parents I am bred from.

  It will be better than him finding out later. Because if he decides to walk away, I will be shattered. I wouldn’t blame him, either. Who would want to be with a woman who left her ex so unsatisfied that he hooked up with her mother, which resulted in her mother being murdered by her father? It just goes to show what kind of blood I have running in my veins. If I were him, I would run as fast as I could.

  I don’t tell him, though. Sitting here, saying nothing at all, and just being held, I’m the happiest I have been in a while, and I’m not ready to let the feeling go just yet. Another reason why he should run the other way: I’m too selfish to think of what’s best for him. I sigh heavily against his chest, and Reid kisses the top of my head.

  At some point I fall asleep. I don’t know when Reid managed to slip out from underneath me, but I wake up on the couch alone, covered in a blanket. I glance around the house and see no sign of him. My heart stops and then drops into the pit of my stomach. He’s changed his mind, and now he’s gone. Tears sting my eyes, and I throw my hands up above my head. I feel something crinkle under my hand and sit up. A small piece of paper with neat script stands out. It has to be a breakup note. I take several deep breaths before I pick it up and read it.

  You seemed so peaceful, and I didn’t want to disturb you.

  I ran into the city to grab a few things. I will be back soon.

  Until then, I will be missing every second that you aren’t in my arms.

  -Reid

  With a sigh of relief, I lean back against the couch and smile. Okay, so I overreacted. When don’t I? It’s not entirely my fault that I am so cautious. I decide to get off the couch and take a nice long, hot bath as I wait for Reid to return. I wonder what he went into the city to grab. I walk up the stairs, my thoughts in a daze and a smile plastered on my face.

  If only Dr. Uria and Eli could see me now. The thought of Eli tugs at my heart. With my phone broken, I have no way to see if he has attempted to call, text, or email me back. Maybe I’ll try to call him from the landline again after my bath.

  I walk into the large bathroom and to the oversized Jacuzzi tub. I crank the lever to the hottest water setting possible and wait for the tub to fill up. I stare at my reflection in the mirror and trace my fingers over my scar. I have to think of something to tell Reid. I will only be able to keep his hands off my stomach for so long. And eventually, he is going to see me naked.

  What have I gotten myself into? Am I ready for this?

  Yes, I am. I am ready for this. I deserve to be happy. I repeat the words that Dr. Uria has told me over and over again like a mantra. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be happy. If I truly do, why is it that I still feel so guilty? I think of my parents and Jacob.

  Jacob. I need to make sure he is okay. I’ve long gotten over the feelings I may have once had for him, but he was nearly beaten to death in my apartment last night. I blame myself and that all this has happened because it’s my fault. Reid deserves better. When I think of Reid, I wonder why he hasn’t questioned me about the other night, but I’m thankful he hasn’t. I don’t know what I’m going to say to him.

  Seeing the tub almost filled, I sigh a breath of relief. I need out of my head. I need to stop over thinking everything. I need to take things one step at a time and enjoy them. Starting with this bath. I dip my foot in the water, welcoming the feel of the hot water against my skin. I sink the rest of my body into the water, sliding down until the water covers every inch of me except for my head, and close my eyes.

  The sound of a car pulling into the driveway snaps me awake. I jump up in the water and splash some out the side. The water has turned lukewarm, and my skin is wrinkly like a prune. I step onto the bathmat and grab Reid’s robe from next to the shower and wrap it around me. I wrap a towel around my hair and take off down the stairs, eager to see Reid.

  As I approach the front door, I notice that the vehicle in the driveway doesn’t belong to Reid and stop in my tracks. I tiptoe to the door to make sure it’s locked and peak out the window to the right of it. A dark, hooded figure climbs out of the front seat, wearing all black. I gasp and snap back from the window. I slide down against the door, pull my knees up to my chest, and wait.

  The SUV door slams shut, and I can hear the gravel crunching under the person’s feet. My heart is pounding, and my breathing is erratic. I hear whoever it is approach the front door. They knock once and then try the door handle. My heart begins to beat faster. What if they break down the door and I’m leaning up against it? I hear a loud thump against the ground on the other side of the door followed by the sounds of the person walking away.

  The SUV starts back up again and slowly pulls out of the driveway. I sit there against the door, taking slow and steady breaths, waiting for what seems like forever before I push up off the ground and open the door. I crack it open, just enough to peek my head out and glance around, and notice a manila envelope with my real name written across it in black permanent marker. I grab the envelope off the ground and close the door quickly, making sure to lock it behind me.

  I walk slowly towards the living room with the envelope in my hand, debating on whether or not I want to open it. After a few more breaths, I decide to see what’s inside. I am not prepared for what I find. Pictures of my life, from birth until now. Most of the pictures I kept locked away in the safe at the back of my closet. How did whoever it is get their hands on them? Then I remember that my apartment was broken into. It had to have been then.

  The first few pictures are of me as an infant with both of my parents. They seemed so young and happy then. A tear wells up in my eye. I haven’t looked at these photos in a very long time. I had them hidden away, never to look back on them. I stare at the photo of my parents and me on my first birthday and gently touch it with my finger. The following photos are scattered from the rest of my childhood, all containing at least one of my parents in the photograph. As I scan through the photos, it’s clear to see how time truly changes things. The subtle looks on my parents’ faces, the fake smiles that don’t entirely meet their eyes, and the obvious distance they tried to put between all of us.

  My father and I share no resemblance to each other, and I’m not entirely a spitting image of my mother either. I used to question my parents about it, but they were always quick to change the topic.

  Then comes the photographs of Jacob and me, from our first dance freshman year to being crowned King and Queen at the senior prom. I feel like I’m reliving another life I once had through photographs.

  The last picture startles me, and I drop them all onto the floor. Though I don’t have the actual photos, I never needed them. The images I have just seen have been burned on the back of my mind for six years. It’s a crime scene photo. My mother’s body lies under a bloodstained white cloth with police tape around the room. The photo has a caption at the top that someone added in black permanent marker. The two simple words stand out: You’re next.

  Several minutes pass by, and I haven’t moved. I don’t think I have breathed, either. I cannot figure out who the hell is behind all this and why or what they want. I thought it was Robert, but he can’t have delivered this if he is behind bars. Which I know for certain he is.

  I hear another car pull into the driveway. I run towards the door and see Reid’s car approaching slowly. My heart rate goes into panic mode. I run back into the living room and gather up all the pictures as quickly as I can. I glance around the room to see where I can hide them, and I can’t find a hiding place. I see the fire blazing in the fireplace and rush over to it. With a deep sigh, I toss them into the fire and watch as the only photos I have of my life become e
ngulfed in flames.

  I can hear the car pulling to a stop and rush into the kitchen, just as the last of the photos turn to ash. I need something to calm my nerves. Opening the cupboard, I see a row of liquor bottles, so I pull out a bottle of whiskey and a glass. I pour the dark brown liquid into the glass and begin to chug it before pouring myself another cup.

  “Hitting the bottle a bit early, don’t you think?” Reid’s voice startles me. I didn’t hear him come through the door. I drop the glass and watch it break into pieces on the wood floor. Reid kneels down and starts picking up the larger pieces of glass. “You know, at this rate, I may not have any dishes left in the house.”

  I force a light laugh and help him pick up the pieces of broken glass. “Can we go back to the city?” Reid raises an eyebrow and stares at me. He stands up, carries the glass to the garbage, and disposes of it. I know I should tell him about everything, but I can’t. I need to get away from him. I have to protect him. I need to take care of this on my own.

  “What’s wrong, Liza?”

  “Nothing, I just really miss it and all.” He shakes his head as if he doesn’t believe me. It’s written all over the tight lines of his face. “I miss watching TV, I feel like I’m missing out on my weekly dose of reality shows.” It’s the furthest thing from the truth. Yes, Reid doesn’t have a TV here for some odd reason, but I don’t really miss watching TV. In fact, I could care less about it, but he doesn’t know that.

  “I’ll get a TV set up here with more channels than a person needs,” he says. His jaw is clenched tight as he stares at me, and my breathing hitches.

  “No, I don’t want to disturb the beauty and tranquility of this place. I don’t want to corrupt it,” I reply quickly. Reid closes the distance between us, pulls me close, and wraps his arms around me.

  “Talk to me,” he whispers. “What is it?”