If I Say Yes (Say Something #1) Page 15

  “I just want to go home.” The truth shocks me more than I expect, but it’s not the apartment that I want to go back to. I suddenly feel the urge to return to my childhood home. I want to run my hand over the railing of the stairs. I want the smell of peonies from the garden to fill my nose, and I want to hear the sound of my fingers brushing against the keys of the piano.

  I clench my fingers and release them slowly. The grand piano. I haven’t thought about a piano in years, let alone intentionally been in the same room as one. My fingers yearn to play some Chopin, Nocturne No. 2 in E-flat major, to be exact. For some reason, that has always been my favorite piece to play. How did I forget about that? How could I forget about any of that? Perhaps because it reminds me of my father, the one who pushed me to learn how to play and reprimanded me whenever I missed a note.

  Everything comes flooding back to me at once. The piano recitals my mother came to. The ballet recitals my father never watched. Even then, as a child, they avoided each other like the plague. I always knew they hated each other but never understood why they stayed together. Neither of my parents were the affectionate type, and only pretended to put on a display of a happy home, family, and marriage. Flashes of my childhood play in my head like a never-ending movie reel. I start to get lightheaded and collapse to the ground.

  “Liza!” I hear Reid’s panicked voice in the back of my mind, but I can’t escape the movie playing on repeat in my head. “Liza! Come on, sweetheart, wake up!”

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  THE BLACK AND WHITE piano keys taunt me as my fingers dance across them. Daring me to make a mistake, to miss one little note, and screw up the entire piece. I keep calm and let my fingers play Rachmaninov’s ‘Prelude in G minor Opus 23’. I play the piece without incident, fully aware of my father standing directly behind me. Once the song is complete, I feel his hand touch my shoulder, and grip it tightly.

  “Again,” he says sharply. “Without the sheet music.”

  It’s not enough that he expects a ten-year-old child to master such a complicated piece, but now he wants me to play it without sheet music. I love playing. I really do, except for when my father is around. He drills me like a soldier in the army. Forcing me to play the same piece over and over again, until I feel like my fingers are going to turn raw and start to bleed. While I love playing the piano, I don’t want to become the next prodigy. I don’t want to become a concert pianist, like he expects me to. I play the beginning, hitting all the right keys, and it isn’t until I am halfway through when I miss the first note. After that, it becomes a disaster. A tear slides down my cheek. I know what is about to come— what always comes next.

  I struggle through the last half of the song, missing more notes than I play accurately. My shoulders slowly begin to hunch over. The tears are coming down my face quicker now and falling against the keys. The song is coming to an end, and I only see dread in the near future. I try to focus on the keys, trying to remember which note comes next, and all I can remember is a jumbled mess. The song ends all too soon, and I am closing the lid to the grand piano. I take a deep breath, turn on the piano bench, and stand up. I barely make it to my feet when the back of my father’s hand connects with the side of my face, and I fall to the ground.

  My eyes jolt open, and I take a sharp breath. My vision is blurry, and my head is pounding. I try to sit up, but I feel weak. I lie there — wherever I am lying — and feel someone brushing their hand over my hair. “Liza, darling?” It takes a minute to recognize the voice.

  “Reid?” I say breathlessly and flutter my eyes. My vision is slowly clearing up, and I can see the shadow of Reid’s face hovering over mine.

  “Oh, thank God!” He exhales sharply. Just as my vision fully returns, I feel his soft lips press against mine, and I moan. The kiss is deep, raw, and full with love. Love? I am not in love with him. I can’t be.

  I pull back gently, breaking free of the kiss, much to my dismay. I can keep kissing him; I could kiss him all night. Reid hovers above me, his nose brushing against the tip of mine, and his eyes are soft. I try to move again, but my body is still weak. Reid sits up before he helps me shift into a sitting position. I am on the couch. I don’t know how long I have been out. All I know is that Reid moved me to the couch, and the gesture comforts me.

  I tentatively steal a glance at Reid and find he is staring at me with questions in his eyes. “I’m not going to ask you a million questions right now,” he says softly. “But we are going to have to talk about this eventually.”

  I nod slightly. He is right; we are going to have to talk. He needs to know everything. He needs to know what kind of fucked up family I come from. He needs to know how screwed up I am and he needs to know that I may never be able to fully trust him enough to let my guard down and let him in. No matter how much I want to. I have a crazy stalker out there, and I don’t know what they want. It’s evident whoever it is really watching my every move. How else did they know where to deliver the photos?

  A wave of nausea hits me, and before I can compose myself, I get sick on the floor of his living room. Reid says nothing and holds my hair back as I empty out whatever is left inside of me. My face heats up with embarrassment. Throwing up on his hardwood floor is hardly attractive. After a few minutes, my stomach finally settles down. I wipe the corners of my mouth with the sleeve of my T-shirt. Reid hesitates for a moment before he pulls me close to him. I gaze up into his soft dark eyes. His lips hover just above mine, and he moves to kiss me.

  “Uh…” I pull away. “Before you do that… I need to clean up the mess I just made on your floor and brush my teeth.”

  Reid laughs lightly. “Go brush your teeth. I’ll get the mop.”

  “Reid—”

  “Darling.” My heart jumps at the sentiment. “I’ve got it taken care of. Go brush your teeth. Take a bath. I’ll make you some tea.” I hesitate for a moment, contemplating what I should do. Reid sees right through my walls and smiles gently. “Let me take care of you.”

  I nod my head once and pull him close. I wrap my arms around him and squeeze him tightly, ignoring the fact that slowly but surely I can feel one of my walls crumbling down. I have never had anyone really take care of me, besides Eli, but he isn’t talking to me at the moment. The thought threatens to make me sick again. How long is he going to do this? How long is he going to ignore me? “Thank you,” I whisper into Reid’s chest. He kisses the top of my forehead, and then I stand up to head to the stairs.

  I pause a moment, gathering my bearings, and head to the wooden staircase. I take the stairs slowly, holding onto the railing for balance. My head is still pounding, and I take a deep breath. Once in the bathroom, I walk over to the tub and start the water. I scan the room for any sign of bubble bath or oils, which of course I don’t find. Which really doesn’t surprise me. Instead, I opt for grabbing the bottle of his body soap. Nothing like soaking in a tub full of water that smells like the man who makes your head spin. In a good way.

  Once the tub is filled to the brim with water and bubbles, I peel off my clothes and step into the steaming hot water. Giving myself a moment to adjust to the temperature before sliding my body the rest of the way in, I lean my head back, resting it on the edge of the tub, and close my eyes. Not long after that I hear a slight knock on the door and open my eyes. The door opens slowly. “I’ve got tea,” Reid says cautiously. He pauses for a moment to see if I stop him, and when I don’t, he walks into the bathroom holding a white ceramic mug. Steam rises off the top off the cup, and the scent of tea fills the air.

  He walks slowly towards the tub, his eyes locked on mine. I sit up carefully, making sure most of my body still remains hidden beneath the suds. He sits on the edge of the tub and holds the mug out to me. I reach out and take it from him. I bring the cup to my lips and let the warm liquid slide down my throat. I can get used to being taken care of. “Thank you,” I murmur. He leans over and kisses the top of my head.

  “Anytime.” His eyes darken for a moment
, and I can tell he’s holding back something.

  “Reid? What is it?” I prepare myself for the worst.

  “While you were ou—” He clears his throat. “While you were napping, Office Kendrick called to let me know that they still need your statement.” I let out a sigh of relief, and Reid picks up on it instantly. “What’s wrong?”

  “N-N-Nothing,” I stutter. Reid lifts an eyebrow and gives me the ‘I’m-not-buying-it’ look. “It’s just… I thought you might think I was crazy and had a change of heart,” I admit to him.

  He places a hand on each of my cheeks and stares straight into my eyes. “You are not crazy.” He kisses me gently on the corner of my mouth. “And I’m not going anywhere.” He kisses me on the lips. I wrap my hands around his neck, deepening the kiss and pulling him into the tub. Fully clothed.

  Reid cries out, and I laugh softly against his lips. After a few minutes, Reid breaks the kiss and pulls away. My heart stops for a minute, and disappointment fills me as he shifts around in the tub. Reid turns me around, pulls me close to his chest, and I lie against him. We sit in the tub like that for a long time— Reid still fully clothed, with me cradled between his legs and in his arms. I start to drift off to sleep, feeling more safe and at ease than I ever have. Lying against his chest and listening to his heart beat under me, I feel at peace. There have been times when Eli has held me like this, usually to comfort me during the few times I have either broken down in the past or after a nightmare, but none of those times measure up to what I am feeling now.

  Reid traces my arm with his fingertip, working his way down to my stomach, and I freeze. He’s about to discover the darkest secret of me. The one I am most ashamed of, but I don’t pull away to stop him. As he reaches the scar that runs across my stomach, I inhale a sharp breath, and he hesitates for a moment before continuing the line of the jagged scar. “Liza?” he questions softly. “What is this?”

  “A scar.”

  “From what?” he replies, and I shake my head. I can’t tell him. Not yet. “I want to see it.”

  “No.” The word flies out of my mouth without any thought.

  “But—“

  “I said no.” I pull out of Reid’s arms and turn to glare at him. It’s too much too soon. “I think you should get out. I’ll be down in a moment.”

  Reid lowers his head and seems defeated, but he doesn’t protest. He gets out of the tub, his clothes sopping wet, and walks out of the bathroom without glancing back at me. I listen as he shuffles around the room, opening and closing dresser drawers. He’s changing his clothes. I wait until I hear the sound of the bedroom door close before I get out of the tub and wrap the towel around me. I pause, pressing my ear against it the door to make sure he is really gone, and then I go and change my clothes.

  Reid is standing out on the deck when I come back down, fully dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a sweater. I need to be covered up. In a weak and vulnerable moment, I exposed myself to him, and I don’t plan on doing it again anytime soon. He’s standing next to the railing, with his hands on top of it for support, and enjoying the breathtaking view.

  I stand just inside the double doors and watch him. My eyes prick with tears. This isn’t fair. I can’t do this to him. He deserves someone who is willing to share everything with him, and I am not that person. My heart breaks as I stand there. I know what I have to do, but it’s the hardest thing I have ever done. In these few short weeks, in which most of the time he’s acted like an incomprehensible ass, I managed to fall for him. It doesn’t help that he is the epitome of a gentleman, so caring and giving, although he acts like a tough cookie on the outside. Inside his body, in his heart, he is beautiful. My ugly heart is no match for him.

  “Reid,” I say gently. He turns around and stares at me. His eyes are soft, but I can see he’s got the walls up. I don’t blame him. He takes a step towards me, and I just shake my head. “No.” The word is barely audible. I can feel the strands of my heart pulling as I take a deep breath and prepare myself for what I am about to say. “You deserve someone better than me. Someone who can tell you everything, someone who will let you in. I thought I could, but I can’t. I really wanted this to work; heaven knows I wanted this to work. But I have a horrible past that I can’t burden anyone with, least of all you.”

  I turn to leave and start gathering my things up. “Liza.” My name barely comes out a whisper. I stop and stare back at him. Reid crosses the distance in four long strides with determination in his eyes. Before I have a chance to register what is going on, he pulls me towards him and crashes his lips against mine. I don’t resist. I want the kiss just as much as he does. Finally, he breaks free. “I can’t lose you. I can’t explain it, but you make me feel complete. Even standing in the same room as you I feel whole, like I can’t breathe without you.” He kisses my lips softly.

  “Reid, you deserve someone who can share all of themselves with you.”

  “No. My heart, my body, and my soul want you, and you only. I want to feel my lips pressing against your soft, luscious mouth as much as possible. I want to be able to wrap my arms around you whenever I want. I want to be surrounded by the smell of your lavender scented hair. I want wake up every morning to the warmth of your body against mine. And I want to call you mine. If that means I only get a part of you, then I’ll take it, because a part of you is better than none of you. I only hope that one day you trust me enough to show me all of you. The good and the bad.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  IT ONLY TAKES ME two weeks to fall for Reid, and I have fallen harder than I ever have before. Life seems normal. I’m not really sure what is going on between Reid and me, but I can’t ignore it anymore. The man has more patience and heart than anyone I have ever met. Something I would have never guessed. I thought he was nothing more than a slimy sleazeball, but he keeps proving me wrong. Reid has kept his touching minimal, and hasn’t touched my scar or asked about it again. The smallest of touches, however, sets my body on fire, like when he runs his fingers up and down my arm or holds me close to his chest. He ignites a flame in me that I never knew existed. I have never been so drawn, so enraptured, and so perfectly content as I am now.

  Another bonus is that Reid doesn’t pry. He doesn’t ask any questions about my past, but I know he wants to, and I find myself telling him bits and pieces of it. Things I had long forgotten and things I know I won’t regret sharing. Little simple things, like my favorite thing to eat as a kid, my love for the piano, and how I refused to wear anything except tutus for nearly a year when I was seven. Things that seem so insignificant to most people, but things I forgot I treasured. I didn’t delve much into my parents, but I have shared with him that they weren’t happy or the greatest parents in the world.

  Everything is so simple with Reid in our little secret world, away from the troubles of the world. We are in sync; when he moves, I move. When I listen to the beating of his heart while I lie on his chest, I notice how our heartbeats are one and the same. The same rhythm, the same strong, beating heart. We have settled into a routine now. We spend most of our days hiking along the numerous trails in the vast land behind his house and having picnics. Our nights are spent curled up on the couch, with his arm wrapped around me, and the two of us reading together.

  It really has been bliss.

  Now, that world is about to come crashing down around us. It’s time to return back to reality, and the jobs we can’t keep ignoring. I don’t know how Reid managed to get us this much time off, but being the nephew of the owner must come in handy sometimes. My stomach has been a wreck since Reid told me that our little vacation is coming to an end and tomorrow we head back to the office. First, it’s because I am sure the rumor mill will start once we arrive. I mean, we have both been gone nearly two and a half weeks, and we are returning the same day. Yeah, I would think something is going on. Even if it isn’t anyone’s business.

  The thing that scares me the most, that makes my stomach sicker than hell, is my computer.
The idea of receiving more emails is enough to send me into hiding. I still haven’t shared anything about them with Reid. It isn’t his problem. This is something I have to deal with on my own, and he is already more involved than I want him to be. It’s time I take a stand for myself. The time is now.

  “Liza?” I hear Reid calling up the stairs for me. I take a deep breath and stare at the single duffle bag containing the few belongings I have here. Time to face the music. I pick the bag up off the bed, sling it over my arm, and head downstairs.

  “I’m coming,” I answer in a sing-song voice. Reid takes my bag from me when I reach the bottom of the stairs and presses his lips against the side of my head. “You really have no patience, do you?” I want to laugh because he is actually a patient man.

  “I just want to be back in the city before dark and make sure you get settled in.” My heart stops for a brief moment. This is it. This is the moment where I return back to my apartment, the place that has been violated twice by at least one person. At this point, I’m not even sure anymore. I really need to start searching for a new place to live.

  The drive is quiet and peaceful. Reid holds my hand gently and doesn’t let go during the entire trip. I watch as the trees and hills blur past us, becoming less frequent after an hour of driving and slowly starting to morph into neighborhoods. Before I know it, we are in the center of town. We are long past the turn to my apartment, and I glance over at Reid nervously. “Where are we going?”

  “My place.” He raises an eyebrow and glances at me as we slow down at a stoplight. I furrow my eyebrows and shake my head. I honestly wasn’t expecting this. “What? Did you honestly think I would let you go back to your apartment?”

  “I just assumed that I was.”

  “Look,” he takes a deep breath, “if you aren’t comfortable staying at my place, I can take you somewhere else. But I would really like it if you stayed with me so that I know you are safe.”