If I Say Yes (Say Something #1) Page 7

  How will Reid respond to the sudden change in wardrobe? I don’t know why I even care. The man irritates the hell out of me. But he opened up to me, telling me about his mother, something he hasn’t told anyone apparently. I feel almost honored to know the truth. Yet at the same time, I can’t get a grip on his swift mood changes. I debate whether or not I should mention Reid to Dr. Uria, but then I think, is there anything really worth mentioning? Besides the kisses. Or the fact that he lights my veins on fire, and I can’t stop fantasizing about him. I immediately dismiss the idea as I open the glass door to my therapist’s building.

  I nod and wave at the slightly overweight, middle aged security guard sitting at the front desk. He waves in return and buzzes me through the next set of doors. I stop in front of the elevator, pressing the up button and casually wait for the elevator doors to open. Though her office is on the top floor, twenty flights up, the ride up is short. The door opens to a lavish sitting area, with pristine white walls with modern paintings hanging along them. Jesse, the male secretary, smiles eagerly at me as I move to take a seat in the lobby. He picks up the phone, letting Dr. Uria know her first patient of the day has arrived.

  “The doc should be right out, sugar plum,” Jesse says in a sweet voice. I laugh at his sentiment, considering last week I was “doll face”.

  “Thanks, Jesse,” I say as I take a seat in the white plush chair closest to her office door. I lean back, close my eyes, and listen to the soft classical music playing overhead. Just sitting here brings me some measure of comfort.

  I hear the door open after a few minutes and see Dr. Uria’s short, petite, dark frame step out first. For a woman in her mid-fifties, she gives women my age a run for our money. Not only is she fit, beautiful, and nothing short of glamorous, but she also has one of the kindest souls I have ever known “Good morning, Liza.” Her voice is light and sweet. “Let’s head into my office and get started.”

  Dr. Uria’s office isn’t like a typical shrink’s office, where she has you lie down on a leather couch, staring up at the ceiling while she sits just out of view, jotting things down. No, she’s a more straightforward kind of person, but infinitely more welcoming. More understanding. That is her job title after all, to help and understand others. In her office, we sit on a plush off-white couch, turned so we are facing one another. Tea is set out on the ornate coffee table in front of us, along with a device to record all of our sessions. “So, what do you want to talk about today?”

  “I’m having nightmares again,” I say quickly. “The one with my mother.”

  “How do they go?”

  “The same as always…” I take a deep breath. “I know I’m dreaming, but I can’t snap out of it. I can barely breathe and all I see is her. She stands at the end of my bed, all bloodied and mangled, accusing me of being her undoing. That I am the cause of her death and that I should be rotting in a jail cell with my father. Which is right before she swoops down towards me and I finally break free of the dream.”

  “I see,” she says. “Why do you think they have come back again, Liza? It’s been a few years since you had them. The last time was your junior year of college. Has anything changed lately?”

  “Reid.” I say his name before I realize it. I bite my tongue, wishing I can take it back. It’s too late; she’s aware of my slipup. She sets her teacup down and then looks back to me.

  Dr. Uria raises an eyebrow and eyes me curiously with her dark blue eyes. “Who is Reid?”

  “Nobody,” I try to deny. Dr. Uria smirks, which means she isn’t buying it. So much for not mentioning Reid. I shift uncomfortably on the couch. “Reid Harder,” I finally say softly.

  “As in Harder’s Literary Agent House?” She puts two and two together quickly.

  “The one and the same,” I reply. “He is Lawrence’s nephew.” I bring the cup to my lips and gulp a big swig of tea down before placing it on the coffee table. “He is also my new boss.”

  “Before we go any further, may I advise you to steer clear of him?” It’s a little too late for that, I think to myself. “Dating your boss brings a whole lot of problems to the workplace, even more so when he is related to the man who owns the company you work for. That is a whole other issue.”

  I laugh loudly, unable to control myself. Have a relationship with Reid? Not going to happen. Indulge in wild fantasies with him? I would be lying if I said I am not counting that out just yet. “You don’t have to worry about that, Dr. Uria. I have my list, remember… become a successful literary agent before I turn thirty, and no men. Especially not men like Reid Harder,” I say quickly and laugh again.

  “I’m not saying you shouldn’t date, Liza. In fact, I encourage you to go out on a date. Let loose and have a little fun. Enjoy your younger years and your freedom.” She pauses to refill our teacups. When she offers mine back to me, I take it with a smile plastered to my face. “I mean, do you even socialize with men outside of the workplace, or even inside the workplace? Lawrence and his nephew excluded.”

  “Of course I do.” I really don’t, and this is something she knows. “There’s Eli.”

  “Why not go on a date with Elias?”

  I laugh again, almost causing some tea to spill on my lap. “Eli? You’re kidding me right, doctor? He’s the brother I never had.”

  “Fine,” she says softly. “Not out on a date, but just a night out on the town.”

  I shake my head and laugh. “He put you up to this, didn’t he? He never stops, does he?” Leave it up to Eli to do something like this. He has my therapist on speed dial, always checking in on my progress and probably more. Sometimes I regret putting him on the list that allows him access to this sort of information, but I don’t have the heart to remove him. It’s comforting to know he cares so much. Besides, this topic of going out for a night comes up once every few weeks.

  “Have you talked to your father?”

  My body tenses, and the teacup shakes in my hand. How did this session go from my nightmares about my mother, briefly to Reid, going out, and finally making its way to my father? He is the last thing I want to talk about right now. Or ever. Just the mention of him brings back the memory of him the night he killed my mother. The crazed face he made when he confessed to killing her. And how he attacked me, leaving a jagged cut across my abdomen when I made an attempt to lock myself in their bathroom to call for help. Unconsciously, I touch my stomach and feel the remnants of his attack protruding from my skin in the form of an unattractive, unwanted scar. It’s one of the main reasons I don’t wear anything too tight on my torso. Anything that can reveal the outline of the damage he has done is not okay.

  “You need to go see him.” Dr. Uria’s voice snags my attention, and I quickly remove my hand from my stomach. My breath catches, and I can feel tears beginning to sting my eyes. “Or at the very least, write him a letter. Express your feelings of anger, hurt, and the hatred you have for what he did. It’s something you have to do to be able to move on.”

  I know she is right. But I can never face him. I will never lay eyes on him again. I never want to hear his voice, and a letter just won’t simply do. I would be lying if I said I didn’t hate him with every ounce of my being for everything. To be honest, if I were to tell the truth, I am happy my mother is gone. What I hate the most, why I can’t face him, is the proof he left on my body of what happened. The permanent scar that forever binds me to him. I can never tell anyone this, and I never will. Not as long as I am still breathing. What kind of person does that make me, to be happy my mother is dead?

  “I will soon,” I lie, and she knows it. Just as I know it. Hell, if anyone else was in this room, they would know I had no intention of ever doing so.

  “Let’s call it a day,” she says. I glance at the clock. We still have over half of our session left. “I want to leave off with how you are feeling and to take some time before heading back to work to decide what you are going to do.”

  “About what?” I ask nervously. I already know the
answer to what is to come next, which is a big fat hell no.

  “About contacting your father.”

  I don’t know how this has happened. This is not the way my morning is supposed to start. I was supposed to go to Dr. Uria’s to get some relief from my nightmares, call it a day, and go about my business. But no, I had to open my big, fat mouth and mention Reid. Thankfully, she didn’t quiz me about him, and all she had to say was dating him is a bad idea. Like I didn’t know that already. But that didn’t stop her from mentioning letting loose and having fun most likely on Eli’s behalf. The poor guy got stuck doing a whole lot of nothing with me. Instead of going out, we always stay in and watch horror movies. He says he doesn’t mind, but I know him better than that.

  Somehow, our conversation led to my father. Damn that woman and her psychological bull. She always catches me off guard and brings my father into the picture whenever she sees the window of opportunity. So I guess, other than not to date Reid, I really got nothing out of the session. With the money she gets every month, she better not pull this stunt next week or she is really going to have a psychotic patient.

  I duck into the café and grab of cup of coffee before heading to work. I need a triple shot of espresso, and the caffeine it promises, to snap me out of this funk. I get a few extra minutes of time to myself on the ride up to my office. Almost everyone has arrived by now, and I’m thankful to have this bit of solitude before being on a floor with a bunch of people. The elevator dings, and the doors slide open, signaling the end of my personal moment. I glance over towards Reid’s office, and my heart betrays me by fluttering a little when I see the blinds are fully open and he is sitting at his desk, on the phone. I catch a glimpse of one of his genuine smiles before he turns his attention to his computer. I think of Friday and our stroll through the park that almost ended in a kiss before we were snapped back into reality by the squealing little girl that sent Reid retreating back into his cold front yet again.

  I enjoy the memory a moment longer before locking it away for good in the back of my mind. Like Dr. Uria said, nothing good can come from dating my boss, especially when my boss is the owner’s nephew. Not that pursuing a relationship is what I’m after. That’s the last thing on my to-do list. I need to clear the air with Reid, once and for all, although I’ve told him I don’t date and I’m not even sure that’s what he is after. It needs to be done. There can be no more kisses, or near kisses.

  Maybe just one more. No. I shake my head. I cannot and I will not let Reid kiss me again. Not now, not ever.

  Heidi greets me by my office door, asking what I want for lunch today, and I tell her to order from somewhere that delivers. I don’t feel like going anywhere unless it is straight home. She nods once before returning to her desk, and I slip into my office. I boot up my computer, and as I wait for it to start and my email to load, I set my coffee on my desk, pull my cell phone out of my purse, and put it into the top drawer of my desk. My email dings, notifying me that I had new unread messages awaiting me. I hesitate before glancing at the screen, wishing — no, praying — that there wouldn’t be any anonymous emails waiting for me.

  After a few deep breaths, I muster up the courage to peek and sigh in relief. There are none. Just a hundred and seven new query letters waiting to be read. How the hell did this happen? I have never gotten this many letters in one night, let alone a week. My mind briefly flickers to Reid; this has to be his doing. I figure the only way to distract myself from the very short therapy session is to dive head first into the letters and try to make a dent in them before lunch. I barely make it through three before I sigh heavily and lean back. I stare up at the ceiling and try to think about anything other than my father.

  Reid comes to my mind first, and I instantly push the thought away. Next thing that comes to my mind is Greece. Strange, I don’t know why. I haven’t been there in years, but Eli had recently mentioned the two of us going. Oh, how I would love to indulge in a vacation right now. As if on cue, a light rap dances against my glass door. I glance over and see Eli opening the door with a large bouquet of flowers in his hand.

  “What are these for?” I laugh lightly as he sets them down on my desk.

  “Nothing special,” he says and runs a hand through his shaggy golden hair. “I just feel like I haven’t seen or talked to you in ages.”

  “I talked to you last night.” Eli sighs and turns his head away for a moment. “The shrink called you, didn’t she?”

  Eli’s silence confirms the answer to my question. I sigh and shake my head. Eli walks around my desk, pulls me up from my chair, and wraps me in a tight hug. I am caught by surprise when tears start to prick my eyes. I can’t cry here. I can’t think of my father, and I can’t bring him into this place. My door bangs open against the glass window, rattling as they collide into one another. Eli and I quickly pull away from each other, and I see Reid standing there. His eyes are dark, almost black, and stormy. His nostrils are flaring. I’m sure if it was cold, we could see steam come out of them like a bull. He’s fuming. I quickly wipe the tears away from my face and take another step away from Eli. I glance back and forth between the two of them, both of whom are exchanging unfriendly glances. Eli seems to be assessing him, judging him from the little bit that I have told him, and whatever thoughts he has made up about him. Reid simply looks like he is out for blood, like a lion in search of his next meal. The air is rich with tension and quickly heating up.

  “Uh… um…” I am momentarily at a loss for words. “Eli, meet my boss, Reid Harder. Reid, meet Eli.”

  For the first time, Reid glances towards me, and really looks at me. I wish he hadn’t. His eyes are still dark, glaring at me, and tearing me apart. “I thought you said you didn’t have a boyfriend,” he all but growls at me. His words hitting me like a ton of bricks.

  “I-I-I don’t.” I glance at Eli, who is wearing a smile plastered to his face now, from ear to ear. I can tell he is fighting to contain his laughter. Eli finally loses control and begins to chuckle. Out the corner of my eye, I see Reid tense and watch his chest rise and fall rapidly underneath his white button-up dress shirt.

  “I should have believed you when you told me he was an ass.” Eli directs his statement towards me but stares at Reid. I glance over at him and shake my head. I want to slap the back of his head and ask him what the hell is wrong with him. Then I glance at Reid, who is still gazing straight towards me.

  His eyes waver for a moment, revealing a hint of hurt. I don’t understand why for a moment, but then I get it. Because of what Eli said. What I had said to him in the first place. “I… I… was just coming by so we could get to work on some query letters.” Reid finally breaks the silence that began to fill the room. “But I see you’re busy right now, so we can work on that tomorrow.” Before I can protest, before I can tell him that Eli is nothing more than my best friend stopping by, despite the flowers, he storms out of my office and slams the door behind him.

  “Whew!” Eli laughs softly. “I see what you mean.” I finally do what I wanted to do moments ago and slap him on the back of his head. Eli flinches and rubs the spot where I hit him. “Ow! What the hell was that for?’

  “For being an ass.”

  “That’s why you love me…” Eli places a kiss on the side of my forehead. A gesture he always does, and one that’s comforting, not romantic in any sense.

  “Leave.” I point towards my door. “I have work to do.”

  Eli gives me a military salute. “Aye, aye, captain.” I shake my head, and he laughs as he leaves my office without another word. I sigh and sink down in my chair. As if this day couldn’t get any worse… my email alerts me with a new message from an unknown sender.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  From: Unknown Sender

  To: LWinter@hlah.com

  I see trouble brewing on the horizon. Is it a love triangle in the making? Better choose wisely. Because whoever you choose… is the one whose life is in danger. Think carefully, my dear Elizabeth. Which
one are you willing to sacrifice? I’ll be watching you…

  IT HAS TO BE someone on this floor, someone who knows my secret, and now is threatening me. But who? And how? How do they know the truth? I’ve been so careful to keep my true identity hidden. And why? What the hell is in it for them? Just for plain fun? I peek out my glass windows, glad for once that they are there, and I scan the room. No one stands out. Not one single person in that lobby stands out to me. Maybe they aren’t on this floor, but they have to be. They just witnessed whatever showdown was going on here. Maybe some cameras are in my office that I don’t know about. I shudder at the thought and look around. I need to find out who it is, and quick. And what it is, exactly, that they want.

  I try to shift my focus back to all the emails that aren’t threatening, but I can’t concentrate. A loud buzzing noise startles me, and I jump in my seat. I pull my cell phone out of my top drawer and see that Eli is calling. “I’m such an ass,” is the first thing he says.

  “Haven’t I said a time or two before that all guys are asses?” I smile as I recall past conversations we’ve had. “I know how you can make it up to me.”

  “Oh really? How is that?”

  I pause for a moment. I don’t know why. I know it’s not like he is going to say no. In fact, he’ll probably start jumping up and down doing his little victory dance. “Take me out for dinner and a movie.” I know it isn’t a big deal, but I can’t honestly remember the last time we did something like that.

  “I’ve been waiting a really long time to hear those words.” He laughs softly. “I thought you’d never ask.”

  “What makes you so sure I would ever even ask you?”

  He laughs heartily again, the kind of laugh I know reaches his soft green eyes. “I’m a guy… we know these things. All the signs were there.” He’s smiling again, I can feel it, and I laugh loudly into the phone.