If I Say Yes (Say Something #1) Read online

  “You’re right… you are an ass. Now seriously, I have work to do.”

  ***

  “I have nothing to wear!” I shout to Eli down the hall where he is sitting in the living room watching ESPN. I stand in my doorway with one towel wrapped around my body and one in my hair. I hear Eli pause the DVR and his footsteps leading to the hall.

  He lets out a loud cat-call whistle, and I just shake my head at him. “Just wear that,” he says.

  “You are such a pig.” I take the fuzzy pink slipper off my right foot and chuck it at him, narrowly missing him.

  “You know what that means?”

  “What?” I groan and roll my eyes. I turn back into my room and flop face down on my mattress. I don’t like the sinister grin he had on his face. I hear a soft knock on my door, and I glance over at him. Eli is leaning against the door frame with his arms folded across his chest. A beam of sunlight breaks through my curtains and hits his face perfectly. I can see the traces of stubble along his jawline.

  “It’s the perfect excuse to go shopping.” With just one look at Eli, you can see the man has extremely good fashion sense. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out. What people don’t know is that Eli is obsessed with everything fashion, and he really does have an eye for it. Hand him a garbage bag, and he can make it seem like a thousand dollar masterpiece. He’s always searching for an excuse to go shopping. “Mimi’s isn’t too far of a drive.”

  “No,” I say harshly. “We are not going shopping, Elias Caraway, and we are certainly not going to Mimi’s. I’ll make whatever I have in my closet work.”

  I have the money and can afford the lavish clothing at Mimi’s. I just refuse to use it. I absolutely, positively refuse to use the money in the bank account that I never touch. Unless it’s a dire emergency, or my monthly charity donation that I make to the children’s center in town. Other than that, absolutely not. I get by with what I get from the literary house, although to be honest, I’m not even sure I’m entitled to any money. I haven’t signed an agent, but Lawrence insists that I use the money that is deposited into my bank account every two weeks. I don’t like to, because I haven’t earned it. But as long as it’s a check from my job, I have no reservations when using it, most of the time. After all, I do have to live somehow.

  “You deserve to splurge a little and go shopping.” My bed dips, and I peek over my shoulder to see Eli sitting on my bed. He lies down next to me, and our noses are inches away. “You have all this money just sitting there in that ba—”

  I sit up quickly and glare down at him. “No, Elias. I don’t want to hear it. I’m not using that blood money, and we are not going shopping. End of story. Now, if you would, I would like to get dressed.” I nod my head in the direction of my door, dismissing him from my room. Eli’s face drops slightly, and he lets out an exaggerated sigh. This isn’t the first time we have had this conversation, and it certainly won’t be the last. Eli pushes himself off of my bed and storms out of my room.

  I sit there for a few minutes on my bed, thinking about when my life all went wrong. When Daddy Dearest killed your mother, I say to myself. I shake my head and move towards my closet. I debate throwing the dress back on I wore to work today but decide against it. So instead, I go with the classic jeans, t-shirt, and flats. Eli will have to just get over it. I mean, I’m finally up to going out. That should be more than enough for him. Baby steps, just one step at a time for me. Although, there are still things that I will never budge on. Including shopping sprees and men— namely, Reid Harder.

  I walk into the living room, where Eli has returned to watching Sports Center. He barely glances my way when I walk towards him, still obviously upset at my unnecessary harshness a few minutes ago. Eli knows better than anyone why I do the things I do, why I have the list I have, and why I am the way I am. He pushes me all the time, and after six years, you would think he’d accept things for the way they are.

  “I’m sorry,” I say softly.

  “No, I’m sorry.” He stands up and pulls me into a hug. “It’s hard, I’ll admit. All the changes.”

  My laugh is muffled by his board shoulders. “I know. But in all fairness, it has been six years, Elias.”

  “I know. I just hate seeing you lose the person you once were.” He pulls back but keeps his hands on my shoulders and stares into my eyes. “You used to be so vibrant, so full of life, and didn’t have a care in the world. Now, you’re always so worried and cautious. Constantly watching over your shoulder. Sometimes, I wonder if you forgot how to live life. You’re just… just… so stuffy.”

  “Stuffy?” I throw my head back and groan.

  “Yes, stuffy.”

  “Yeah, well, you would be too if your father murdered your mother,” I say coldly and turn my head. Eli’s face drops. He knows this conversation is over, and I can count on him not to push any further. “Now, are we going to dinner or not?”

  The drive to the restaurant is silent and thick with tension. Maybe I should have indulged him in a shopping trip, not at Mimi’s, but somewhere. Maybe we wouldn’t have this awkward silence between us. I replay Eli’s words over in my head. I almost laugh out loud thinking about how he called me stuffy. Really? Stuffy? I’m the furthest thing from stuffy. I’ve made decisions in my life to get me where I am today. Granted, I’ve been falling off the band wagon as of late, no thanks to a certain delicious creature of a man.

  We pull up to the restaurant, one I have been to many times in my life, my past life. My body tenses, and I turn my attention to Eli. “We’re eating at Rinaldi’s?” I look back at the restaurant and shake my head. “A little warning would have been nice.”

  “I tried to get you to go shopping,” he says with a bit of an edge to his voice. If my clothes the night at Gravity made me stand out, I am going to seem like a fish out of the sea here. “Besides, who cares what they think?”

  I do. Everyone I have spent avoiding these last six years frequent here, and by the looks of it, it’s a full house. Not only that, but Eli is practically famous around here, hence why I have never gone out with him until now. Lovely, just lovely. I really should have thought this through. When I asked Eli to dinner, I should have made it clear to take me to some mom and pop restaurant on my side of town. Coming here with him, being seen with him, is the biggest mistake of my life. I’m about to walk into the lion’s den. My nerves wreak havoc on my insides, my stomach turns, and I struggle to breathe. Only one thing can make this disaster of a night worse, and that is— POP! A flashing light bulb momentarily blinds me as I step out of the car and place my hand into Eli’s. It’s the paparazzi, and on a Monday of all nights. Now things have taken a turn for the worse.

  “Mr. Caraway!” Voices blend together as they shout for Eli. “Tell us, who is your lovely date tonight? Do we know who she is?”

  Eli takes my hand and places it into the fold of his arm near his elbow. I tighten my grip to try and keep my nerves in check. My lips are dry, and my heart is pounding. “She is a dear friend of mine, and that’s all you need to know.”

  My feet are moving quicker now as he pulls me to safety inside of the restaurant. I think I am home free when I hear something that makes me stop dead in my path. “Any news of our missing socialite Elizabeth Lewis?”

  My heart stops. It’s been six years, and they still haven’t given up. Exhibit A of why I have made it a habit not to attend public places with him. I almost want to laugh and then throw up. The people, all of them, the ones taking the photographs and the one asking questions, they make me sick. It’s in their job description to know how to find someone, even if they don’t want to be found. They are obviously not that great at their jobs and should seriously think about finding new ones, since I’ve been right here in Long Port, right underneath their noses.

  I smile at the thought momentarily. “No,” I hear Eli say and glance to see the somber look on his face, “there has been no news. I don’t think there ever will be.”

  With that, I a
m whisked inside by Eli, the doors closing quickly behind us. We are immediately rushed through, past the maître d standing just behind the tall wooden stand. We don’t have to wait for a table and are seated along the dance floor where a big brass band is playing. We aren’t in the middle of the dining floor, but we might as well be. People glance at us from the dance floor as they pass. I see everyone’s heads turn, focusing on our table, as they try to gauge who I am exactly and what I am doing sitting there with Eli.

  Eli has never made it a point to appear anywhere in public with a female, except to local charity events, which I refuse to go as his date. This is exactly why. I’ve always worried that someone will see through my façade, through my fake black hair and the simplicity of my make-up. Seriously, what was I thinking?

  “Are you alright?”

  I nod my head slightly. I don’t know how to respond so I just stay silent.

  “I really can’t believe they were here tonight,” he says.

  I’m about to open my mouth and say something when my eye catches a flurry of red hair whip by. Millie? I take a deep breath and search for the brilliant strands of bright red hair. It can’t be, but it is… my old best friend. I watch Millie throw her head back and laugh as the guy with his arms wrapped around her guides her across the dance floor. I hear Eli calling my name, but my focus is on the couple dancing to the band’s rendition of Zoot Suit Riot. That’s when I see the face of the man she is dancing with. My heart clenches as my eyes make contact with the man who broke my heart— Jacob.

  “Shit,” I hear Eli say, and I glance over and find that he is staring at the same spot. “I’m sorry, Liza. I really had no idea he was going to be here.”

  “Let’s dance.”

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  ELI STARES AT ME in disbelief. I mean, I can hardly believe myself. A part of me believes Jacob recognized me, which just makes me want to go on the dance floor to prove that he means nothing to me anymore. That I have recovered from the broken heart he left me with, even if I really haven’t. I take a deep calming breath and fix my gaze on Eli.

  “I asked you to dance.”

  “Liza—”

  I stand up and hold my hand out to Eli. “Don’t make me ask again.”

  “If you’re sure…” he replies hesitantly before standing up and taking my hands into his.

  “I’m positive.” And then I drag him to the dance floor.

  The exhilaration I get from swinging around the dance floor leaves me breathless. I’ve always loved to dance, whether it’s in a club or swing dancing. Something about it makes me feel liberated, even if dancing with Eli is nothing like dancing with Reid. I find myself easing up, as does Eli, the tension from earlier melting away. The music never stops, so we never quit dancing, forgetting the plans to have dinner and go catch a movie. The song swiftly changes to another, and it’s a dance I know all too well. It’s one that requires the changing of dance partners throughout the song. I stop in the middle of the dance floor and glance at Eli, who seems to have barely broken a sweat. “Let’s go order something to eat.”

  “But this is the best dance.” Before I can state my objection to staying on the dance floor, everyone starts dancing with their partners, leaving me no choice but to take hold of Eli and dance. I clutch tightly to him and scan the floor, searching for any sign of Jacob, but I can’t find him. The music indicates that it’s time for a change in partners. I brace myself, prepared for whatever is to come, and release a sigh a relief when I see the plump, short, and balding man come in my direction.

  I bite back the laughter that threatens to escape my mouth every time the man tries to cop a feel from behind. I graciously grab his hand and place it back where it belongs. I’m relieved and stressed at the same time when it comes time to change dance partners again. The relief I feel when Mr. Grab Ass moved on to his next victim is short lived when I come face to face with my next partner. Jacob.

  He smiles and nods his head. His smile is vindictive, all too knowing, and tells me everything I need to know. He knows who I really am. Just keep it together, Liza. It’s only two minutes. I tell myself as I place my hands into his.

  Our eyes lock as we start to dance. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think we’ve met before. I’m Jacob… Jacob Kestner.” His voice is just the way I remember, smooth, rich, and deep. One that spent years saying he loved me, just one of his many lies.

  I clear my throat and attempt to make my voice sound slightly different. “Liza,” I say, but don’t include my last name.

  “Is that short for something?” He looks me in the eye and stares as he watches how I react. “Perhaps something like Elizabeth?” He twirls me around in a circle and pulls me close to him, so close that I can smell the same cologne he’s always worn. I can hardly breathe, and my body is shaking. For a moment, I miss his touch and immediately throw the thought out of my head. “You know, my wife…” I wince at his mention of having a wife. “My wife, Millie—”That backstabbing wench is his wife? How could she? After knowing what he did to me? “She told me about this story, how a couple weeks ago—”

  We are interrupted by another man appearing and ready to take his place. Jacob dismisses him and keeps a tight hold on my hand and waist. “As I was saying, a couple weeks ago we were at a club, Gravity. And well, she swears up and down that she saw someone who looked just like a friend she used to have. I told her she had to be mistaken. That her friend was all but gone. Poof, disappeared, and without a single trace as to where she went. I told her she was crazy, that it wasn’t possible. Only now… I know she was right.” He leans closer, his lips close to my ear, and my breath is ragged. “You might have fooled her that night, and everyone else here tonight, but you are not fooling me, Elizabeth.”

  I pull away, trying to break free from his hold, but he doesn’t let go. He squeezes his hand, digging his nails into my hip, and I let out a soft cry. “Let. Me. Go,” I say sharply, low enough so only he can hear it.

  “No,” Jacob says firmly. He pulls me closer again, too close, and my heart pounds in my chest. “You broke my heart disappearing on me like that.”

  “You deserved it. And you deserve much worse,” I hiss. He laughs softly again. “You should be dead, right next to my mother.”

  A low, deep growl resonates in his throat. “Feisty… I see you haven’t lost your touch. But really, is that necessary? Do you really believe that?”

  “You slept with her.” Tears sting the corners of my eyes. “You slept with her for four years. You pretended to love me, you even asked me to marry you, and meanwhile you were screwing her behind my back.”

  “It’s a shame you had to find out that way. I’m sorry, Elizabeth. I really am. But I was just a boy when she seduced me. What was I supposed to do?”

  “Not continue it for four damn years.” I am getting angry now. He’s trying to justify what he did with her, what he did to me, and what he did to us. He is putting all the blame onto her and accepting no responsibility. Just like the Jacob I once knew. “Did you know she was pregnant? And that it was your child?” Jacob tenses now and scans the room to make sure no one is close enough to hear. “That’s how my father found out. He found the pregnancy tests, all five of them. My parents hadn’t been together in months, so he knew… he knew she was having an affair. He just didn’t know that it was you.”

  The truth hits him like a ton of bricks. His cool man façade quickly disappears, his eyes reflect a glimpse of sadness. I am gasping for air, fuming and angry at him. I haven’t thought about that tiny detail in the last few years. The one that I was going to have a baby brother or sister. And because of him and my father, they were both taken away from me. Just like that. I’ve never told anyone about the baby, or about how he was sleeping with my mother. Not even Eli. I was too ashamed to admit that I hadn’t been good enough for him. That he had to go to my mother, my own mother, just to be pleased. Whether she ‘seduced’ him or not.

  I break free of Jacob’s hold, and this time he
doesn’t fight me. He stands there with a tear slipping down his face, and as pale as a ghost. I can feel everyone staring at me and turn away as the tears start to fall down my face. I quickly shove my way off the dance floor and out one of the side doors. My eyes are so clouded with tears that I don’t see the crate until after I trip and fall over it. I scrape my elbow against the cement ground and hold my hand over it, whimpering in pain. A pair of big, strong hands gently grab a hold of me. I glance up and see Reid. When did he get here?

  “Here,” he says gently, “let me help you up.”

  “Thanks, but I can manage myself.” I move to stand up when a sharp pain shoots through my foot, and I collapse back down. Reid bends down, offering to help me, and I push his hands away.

  “Damn it, Liza. Stop being so stubborn.” I ignore him, pull my knees up to my chest, and wait for the pain to ease. Reid finally gives up trying to help me and sits down on the ground next to me, crossing his legs.

  I brush my hair over my shoulder and glare at him. “What do you want?” I ask coldly.

  “I want to make sure you are okay. What happened in there? Was it that guy? Elliot or whatever his name is?” He stares at me hard and waits for my response.

  I start to laugh. “His name is Elias, and it wasn’t him. In fact, it isn’t anyone you need to concern yourself with.” I take a deep breath. “Why do you even care? Why don’t you go back inside the restaurant? I’m sure there are a ton of girls you’d rather be spending your time with than me.” Reid laughs this time and shakes his head. “What is it that you find so humorous?”

  “Are you jealous, Ms. Winter?”

  “Jealous of what?” Of course I am. I’m jealous of every woman he may give the slightest bit of attention to. With all the strength I can muster, I push off the ground and wince slightly when the shot of pain courses through my foot again. “Can you just go now?”