If I Say Yes (Say Something #1) Read online

  I sit in my office staring at my cell phone, contemplating whether I should call Elias or not. He’s been the only constant throughout my life, and the only man who hasn’t let me down. Elias, or Eli for short, is the polar opposite of me. He’s wild, carefree, and has a different woman on his arm every chance he gets. I’m slightly jealous that he has no problem with letting loose and seeing where life leads him. I can’t do that. I would probably have a heart attack and land myself in a mental ward. Everything has to be perfect, everything has to be my way, and everything has to be under my control. No control equals one psychotic wench, and nobody wants a psychotic wench on their hands.

  I finally decide against calling Eli. He’s probably wrapped up in bed with his newest fling of the week, and I do not want to interrupt that. When he’s free, he will call, as he always does to check up on me, and when he does, he can talk some sense into me. He can bring me back to my happy place.

  I glance up from my phone and see Reid walking across the lobby of our floor, immediately realizing he’s heading straight towards my office. Damn the wall of windows that look out into the lobby. They make me feel exposed. Vulnerable. I quickly open the drawer to my desk, drop my phone in, and slam it shut. I turn to my computer and pull up my email program. Only five new query letters since I left the office. I open the first email and pretend to be working just as Reid walks into my office like he owns the place. Technically, he does— or his uncle does, at least.

  “Excuse me,” I say without taking my gaze off the computer. “The door is shut for a reason. Try knocking next time.” I hear him laugh, the door close, and the sound of knocking. I glance up, unable to hide the smile that creeps up on my face. Reid stands outside the office door, arms folded, and his left foot tapping against the floor, waiting impatiently for me to let him in. I nod my head. He opens the door quickly and closes it behind him.

  “There,” he says. “Is that better?”

  “Much.” I turn back to the computer screen, ignoring his presence and doing my best to seem busy. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Reid cross the distance between the door and my desk. He pulls out one of the chairs closest to him and takes a seat, leaning back comfortably with his legs stretched out in front of him and his arms resting on the arms of the chair. I do my best to ignore him, but my eyes keep drifting over to him, absorbing his beautiful features. If looking like he did was a crime, he would spend life in prison without the possibility of parole. A few minutes later, Reid begins whistling some tune I have heard, and I sigh. “What do you want?” I finally ask, still not shifting my gaze towards him.

  “Oh, I’m sorry.” He straightens up in the chair. “Are you busy or something?”

  “I’m trying to work,” I say casually. It’s a lie. I have been staring at the same damn query letter since I noticed him walking towards my office. I haven’t read one single line. I close the email and move to the next one. It’s the same thing.

  “You and I both know that you aren’t doing anything more than staring at the computer screen, pretending to be busy.” He chuckles. My body stiffens, and I catch my breath. “You can stop pretending now and look at me.”

  I release a slow, low breath before closing the email and turning my attention to him. His dark eyes stare into mine, and the world is still for one brief moment. I shake my head and clear my throat. “What do you want?” I ask again.

  “I believe I asked you to come to my office when you got back from lunch.” His eyes darken for a moment before lightening back up to his normal shade of dark brown.

  “I forgot,” I say nonchalantly. He stares at me, and the way he stares at me is making my heart race. I take slow, deep breaths to calm my beating heart and fail. The sight of him is enough to make my pulse go crazy.

  “Well…” Reid gets up out of the chair. “Let’s go.”

  “You’re here now,” I say. Reid stops and settles back down in his seat. “So what do you want to talk about?” I cross my arms and rest them on top of the desk, doing my best to not show how he is affecting me by just sitting there. Reid is quiet for a long time. He starts to laugh, breaking the silence. I tilt my head to the side and study him. “What is so funny?”

  “Are you always so serious?” His laughter bothers me, and I feel the irritation starting to bubble under my skin.

  “I thought we were going to talk about work? About how you can supposedly help my transition to Romance an easier one?” I stare at him, unmoving. Reid releases a hearty laugh again, the sound like a beautiful one-of-a-kind song.

  “I’d much rather continue our conversation from earlier.” His voice is soft. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees and gazes up towards me. Our conversation from earlier? Is he talking about in his uncle’s office? If so, that’s territory I do not want to venture in, much less alone with him.

  He has figured me out quickly, from the moment we met, and it scares me. I have never been one to wear my emotions on my sleeve or to give any inclination to my past. I’ve worked too hard to keep it behind me. That old life is dead and gone. His question earlier, the one about who broke my heart, caught me by surprise. Those few words he said were almost enough for the memories to come back. And that’s something I can’t have. “I am here to work,” I say sharply. “If you do not want to discuss anything relating to our job here, then you might as well leave now.”

  “Okay.” He raises an eyebrow. “On one condition.” Reid stands up and runs his hand through his hair. “Say you will have drinks with me, tonight after work, at Gravity.”

  “Not a chance.” The words come out automatically. Hell would have to freeze over before I ever return to that place. Reid frowns, and without saying another word, he walks towards the door. I watch him open it, pause, and look back at me.

  “I want you to have three potential authors you are willing to sign and an explanation as to why in my office by three o’clock or I will be having a talk with my uncle.” His voice is cold. He walks out of my office and slams the door behind him.

  I sink back in my chair. What the hell just happened? Reid goes from asking me out for drinks to potentially firing me because I said no. Ah hell, I should have just agreed. Now my job is on the line. This is such bull. How am I ever going to get three authors chosen when I can’t even make it past the first sentence of their letters? I could always just choose three random authors, but Reid seems smart. He’ll know that’s what I have done. Especially since I have to give legit reasons as to why I chose them.

  Just great, Liza, just great. See what you have gotten yourself into.

  Why did I let him get under my skin? Why did he have to be the boss’s nephew? Me and my big fat mouth, I should have just kept it closed and given him what he wanted. I should have agreed to meet him for drinks. But I couldn’t. I know having drinks with a guy is nothing. It’s no big deal. People do it all the time. That wasn’t even the problem. The problem is that he wanted to grab drinks at Gravity, only the biggest, most exclusive night club in town. That place is no good for a girl like me. It is the last place on Earth that I want to find myself in with the likes of a guy like Reid Harder. It’s also a place filled with bad memories, ones I fight to keep hidden away.

  What do I do?

  Not hesitating, I open my drawer, grab my phone, and dial Eli’s number.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  THE PHONE RINGS several times as I tap a pen on top of my desk and wait impatiently for him to answer, but it goes to voicemail. I sigh and hang up the phone. I lean back in my chair and stare up at the white ceiling. The shrill of my phone ringing startles me, and I jump in my chair. I reach for the phone immediately, press talk, and bring it up to my ear. “Liza, what’s wrong?” Eli asks right away. His voice is eager and shaky.

  I say nothing. I hear shuffling on the other end of the line and realize that he is probably still in bed. The joys of being carefree. “Talk to me… what is it?” he says softly.

  “I just wanted to hear your voice.” I sigh and
lean back in my chair again. It’s only a half lie. I really did want to his voice. He brings me a sense of calm and grounding.

  “I know you better than that, little rabbit.” I smile when he says the nickname he gave me when we first met in kindergarten. I could never stay still, I was always bouncing in my seat and moving around. Eli said I reminded him of a little rabbit, and the nickname has stuck ever since.

  “It’s just…” I sigh. “It’s just work.” How can I explain to him about Reid? I only just met the guy this morning. Eli says nothing and patiently waits for me to continue. “I got a new boss today, and he’s…” He’s what? Annoying? Irritating? Infuriating? Dangerously gorgeous? “He’s something else,” I finally say.

  “Define something else?” I can sense the hesitation in his voice.

  “He’s an ass.”

  Eli laughs loudly into the phone, and I smile again. “According to you, all men are asses.”

  “That’s because they are,” I say lightly. In my experience, every guy is an ass. They are good for nothing other than breaking your heart. But talking to Eli is already easing the tension built up inside of me.

  “Well…” Eli says. “Except for me.”

  “You are a rare treat.” I laugh. “For the most part.”

  “I’ll take that.” Eli chuckles softly and then goes quiet for a few seconds. “Seriously, Liza, what is it?”

  “I-I-I really don’t know what to do? My boss, Reid, he isn’t just some random guy they hired. He is Mr. Harder’s nephew, as in the owner of my company, and he irritates the hell out of me.”

  “Why?”

  No way can I tell him about the way Reid drives me crazy and not just in the literal sense. “He’s arrogant, nosy, and… and, well, he had the audacity to ask me to grab drinks with him after work,” I say. “To talk about some work related things,” I add quickly.

  I can hear the humor in Eli’s voice. “And that’s reason enough to irritate you?”

  “He asked me to go to Gravity,” I say coldly. Just saying the name out loud threatens to bring back the memories I stored away years ago.

  “I see.” Eli is quiet again. He knows why I can’t go back there, the real reason. I can’t go back to Gravity. Ever. That life is in the past, which is where all the memories are. Of everything that has to do with a person who longer exists. I can’t… I won’t ever go back there.

  “You know you can’t avoid all those places forever, Liza. Long Port is only so big.” Eli’s voice is soft again, but I can hear the seriousness in his tone. We have had the same talk time and time again. Sometimes I feel sorry for him. I feel like I hold him back from doing the things that he wants to do. That any twenty-four-year-old male wants to do, like have fun and go crazy. Most of the time, we spend our time locked up in the safety of my small apartment. We never go anywhere, except for dinner or an occasional movie. Every time we do, however, Eli wears a disguise, something to keep attention being drawn to us. Being the son of one of the most popular actresses of her time and a big time attorney, he’s sort of a celebrity, and recognized everywhere he goes. I can’t have that kind of attention, or everything will fall apart. My life as I know it would cease to exist. “You may not live that life anymore, but it’s still a part of you. You can’t undo your past.”

  “I’m not that person anymore.” The words barely come out a whisper.

  “That part may be true, but you can’t escape being Jared Lewis’s daughter forever. No matter how much you want to.”

  I sigh. Eli’s right, as he always is. I may be able to change my appearance, who I associate with, the places I go, the things I wear, the car I drive, and the house I live in. Hell, I can even change my name. But I can never change who my father is, or what he has done. Even if he is twenty minutes away, spending life without parole at Long Port’s Correctional Facility.

  But I can try.

  Sometimes I question why I stay so close by, but then I remember that no one expects to find me here. I’m right under their nose and they have no idea. They don’t have the slightest clue that I haven’t really gone anywhere. I’m right here where I’ve always been, a place I have always known, and that is my greatest advantage I have with the changes I’ve made. I know the places not to go and I am familiar with my surroundings. My risk at running into someone I may know is high, but it’s a bigger risk going out into the unknown. At least here, I’m in control.

  Damn it, talking to Eli was supposed to make me feel better. It usually does. Somehow he’s managed to turn the conversation around on me and mention my father. Someone else I do not think about if I have the choice. “Is that all?” Eli’s voice is still the same soft tone.

  “No.” I take a deep breath. “After I told him no, he didn’t take it very well, and well…. well, he—”

  “Liza.” His voice is filled with concern and seriousness. “What did he do?”

  “Relax; he didn’t do anything you have running through that overzealous, overprotective mind of yours.” I laugh, knowing all too well what it is he is thinking. “He told me that I had to choose three potential authors I want to sign with a reason why and be in his office by three or he’s talking to his uncle”

  “I don’t know why you are on the phone with me then. You’ve got work to do!” Eli laughs.

  Once again, Eli is right. It’s useless keeping score as to how many times he has been right; all I know is my count is zero. The enthusiasm in his voice brings a tiny smile to my face. However, this phone call hasn’t really done what I was hoping it would do. “I guess,” I say softly. “I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Yeah,” he says. “I’m sure you will.” With that, he hangs up the phone.

  I’m alone again in my office. I let out a deep breath and mentally prep myself for the task at hand. I open the email up again on my computer. No new messages; only about forty that I have pretended to read. I scroll down to the bottom of the messages, figuring I should start with the oldest ones first. One more mental pep talk and I give the computer screen my full attention.

  ***

  I take a deep breath before knocking on Reid’s office door. I know he saw me coming, because his office has a wall of windows facing towards the lobby, just like all the others. I can see through the glass door that he is on the phone, so I knock softly. Reid motions for me to come in, so I open the door and close it quietly behind me. I stand near the entrance and wait for him to get off the phone. He motions for me to sit down in the plush leather chair in front of his desk, and I oblige.

  “It’ll be my pleasure to represent you and your book, Ms. Collins,” he says into the phone. I try to ignore his conversation, not wanting to eavesdrop, but sitting in front of him makes it a little hard. “You, too, Ms. Collins. I’ll see you next week.” Reid hangs the phone back on the receiver and shifts his focus to me. “So what do we have?”

  I hand him the piece of paper I have spent the better part of my day working on, struggling to get the right words out. It might be one of the hardest things I have had to do lately.

  “What’s this?” Reid raises an eyebrow and eyes me curiously. He reaches over the desk and takes the sheet of paper. I watch him as he reads it, and his eyebrows furrow every few seconds. “A resignation letter?” He narrows his eyes at me, his jaw clenches, and his face turns red. “Are you serious?”

  “As serious as I can be,” I say bluntly. “I can’t do it. I just simply cannot work in the Romance department, representing authors who write a genre I despise.” This is the last thing I want to do, but I feel like I have no other option. I would prefer to quit before being fired; that way, during interviews when asked why I no longer work at HLAH, I can honestly say that the job and I didn’t mesh. Which is a lot better than being fired for not succeeding in my line of work.

  “I don’t get you, Liza,” he says softly. His face starts to relax, and he looks at me. “I know you must know what you’re doing, and that you’re good at it. My uncle wouldn’t just hire some girl f
resh out of college otherwise.” I wince when he refers to me as just some girl, the way he says it makes it feel degrading. Often I have wondered why Mr. Harder hired me. It was probably out of sympathy— because besides Elias, his parents, and my therapist, he is the only other person who knows my true identity. He only knows the truth because I arrive late to the office every Monday morning due to my weekly therapy sessions, and I felt obligated to tell him since he offered me a job right out the gate. “My uncle sees something in you. What is the problem? Why can’t you sign anyone?”

  “What’s there to get?” I say, avoiding his gaze. “It’s being here, on this level, with this genre. Romance and I, we don’t go hand in hand.” Reid says nothing but continues to stare at me with his dark eyes. “I can’t force myself to work if I can’t even make it past a single sentence in a query letter.”

  Reid’s lips curl up into a smile. “I’ll tell you what… you take this back.” He slides my resignation letter across the desk. “And I’ll make a deal with you.”

  “I’m listening.” I cross my arms and lean back in the chair.

  “Give me a month…” The hesitation in his voice strikes me, and I feel almost compelled to take it easy on him. Almost. I keep my arms crossed and stare at him, waiting for him to continue. “Just one month, with the two of us working side by side, trying to make this work.” He pauses and shakes his head. “I mean make this job work. At the end of the month, if I haven’t helped you sign anyone, I’ll talk my uncle into letting you transfer to whatever genre you want.”

  I answer all too quickly, “Deal.”

  He smiles, a smile both beautiful yet menacing all at once. He’s up to something. “Hold on. One more thing…” I really don’t like where this is heading. “You have to have drinks with me at Gravity tonight. Nine o’clock.”